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Exploring Faith

nobody@vox.com(heartbomb) — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 15:34:16 +0100

The funniest things have been happening with me recently regarding faith.

Finding out about a long lost uncle who converted to Christianity from Islam thirty or so years ago. I've been trying to get him back in touch with his sister, my mother.

On another note, lot's of debates and discussions about religion have been going on over the past few days. Mainly regarding Islam, but generally religion itself, and even God. Of course I do not see theism as being religious, it just indicates that you believe in a higher power. Religiousness implies worshipping God AND following some rules (or guides, however you wish to see it). Correct me if I'm wrong, but that is how I was brought up to think throughout my religious education classes at school.

I've been looking at Buddhism a lot lately, not as a religion but as a philosophy. I once had a debate about whether it is a religion or philosophy with a friend of mine who used to express his opinion against religions in general, but who later deemed himself as a 'Buddhist'. He argued that it was a philosophy. I've learnt that it is easier to live by philosophies though. Or perhaps not? I think a lot about philosophy and religion. I'd have less trouble following Buddhism as a philosophy than a religion though. People dispute worshipping God because they need proof of His existence. I dispute worshipping the Dalai Lama because he exists in human form. He is a mortal. His teachings and the Buddhist scriptures, however, I could use as a way of life.

The greatest achievement is selflessness.
The greatest worth is self-mastery.
The greatest quality is seeking to serve others.
The greatest precept is continual awareness.
The greatest medicine is the emptiness of everything.
The greatest action is not conforming with the worlds ways.
The greatest magic is transmuting the passions.
The greatest generosity is non-attachment.
The greatest goodness is a peaceful mind.
The greatest patience is humility.
The greatest effort is not concerned with results.
The greatest meditation is a mind that lets go.
The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances.

Atisha (11th century Tibetan Buddhist master)

However, even taking the above in a philosophical light and trying to live by those 'philosophies' seems similar to living life through religious rules (or, again, guides). It's just that Buddhism seems to put it more clearly, more selflessly.

I have read the Four Noble Truths and cannot come to grips with all four of them though, perhaps because I do not know enough about them yet. I'm trying to educate myself.

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Bali Trip Part 1 - The Plane Journey

nobody@vox.com(heartbomb) — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 17:36:10 +0100

As I boarded the Garuda Indonesia Airbus A330, a sense of fear overcame me. Purely because of rumours. I assured myself I would be just fine. I have never feared flying before. I sat down and became engrossed in my book, titled ‘Infidel’ by Ayaan Hirsi Ali. The book that caused a whole lot of controversy. Perhaps absorbing Hirsi Ali’s experiences had made me the ultimate rebel, but it was not just a book to me, it was something I could form a 3 dimensional image of. It was real.

A middle aged Indian man was seated next to me, he didn’t look very polite. I continued reading until later in the flight when I had to fill out the Custom’s Declaration and Visa on Arrival immigration card. I asked him if I could borrow his pen, politely of course. He silently reached for his pen and handed it to me, and I thanked him sweetly. As I filled in the immigration card in big, black ballpoint letters, I could feel his eyes reading my details. This made me slightly uncomfortable but nonetheless I said nothing. I completed the form and returned his pen, then continued reading my book.

After a short while, the Indian man spoke to me, going on for a while. He went on to tell me where he was born: Chennai, India. He was Muslim, often travelled on business trips and had a family in Singapore. Two children, a son of 19 and a daughter of 17. The son was studying Engineering and his daughter wanted to do so too, but he did not approve. He followed on to say that it is okay for a son to work in the Engineering field as it was hard work and she would be working in the heat, and he wanted her to have a relaxing office job. So it was decided, she was doing Business Management instead. I thought to myself ‘what a waste’ . Of course I did not say that to him. His cultural values had obviously been instilled so deep into him that it would be pointless to argue with a middle-aged stranger. All I said was that I am a girl, and I am going to be a pilot, so what’s the big deal? He said being a pilot is different, you take off, switch on the auto-pilot, and that’s it. Well, I’d like to see him do even that much. I did not like what I saw of this man, he was too ignorant for my liking. He would not stop talking to me and it made me so irritable. I just wanted to carry on reading my book!

After two minute pauses he would start talking again, about countries in South East Asia. He would take out the in-flight magazine and open it to the page with the world map. He would draw on it with his ballpoint pen showing me which part of South East Asia belonged to which country in that area: Malaysia, Brunei, Singapore, Indonesia. He would not stop.

Then he went on to discuss the London bombings that occurred in the devastating month of July. He would not stop saying the word ‘Bomb’ really loudly which made me panic a bit, there’s no knowing how people would react to an Indian man saying that word extremely loudly in an aircraft. I was silent, to keep myself out of trouble, if he got himself into it that’s his fault. Then he came onto the topic of drugs. He said people in Indonesia do a lot of drugs, specifically marijuana. I was shocked that he was talking to me about this, I wasn’t particularly interested in discussing these kind of topics with a complete stranger on an aircraft! With an astonished expression, I responded ‘but they are illegal with death penalty!’ - to which he responded that it is all readily available nonetheless. I really wondered to myself if this middle aged Indian man had actually experienced this first hand.

Finally, he stopped talking to me and the aircraft reached Jakarta airport where I was connecting to then catch a flight to Denpasar. I strolled out of the aircraft and made my way to the transit counter to collect my boarding pass for the next flight. It was 17:30 and the flight was to board at 19:55. More than two hours to kill. There was a young lady in front of me waiting for her boarding pass. The gentleman at the counter was slow, and he disregarded my presence. The young lady was still waiting, and the man went on to serve the customers that were after me! The young lady informed him that I was next, but he ignored her. I had to be aggressive, I told him I wanted my boarding pass. He finally printed one for me and I made my way up the escalators to the gate. I looked around as I had a lot of time to kill, many souvenir shops, duty free liquor stores and a restaurant. I roamed around, it was quite empty. Finally I got tired of looking around, and went to sit in the restaurant for a cup of tea. It was a decent cup and it was 18,000 rupiahs, which is almost 2 dollars I think. After my cup of tea, I decided to make my way to the gate. It was deserted, I was ridiculously early. I opened my laptop in an attempt to pick up a wireless network, but it was one of those that required a Visa card to pay for the password. I was bored.

Eventually, the gate waiting room started to fill, and an officer approached each of us for boarding passes. He requested my immigration card and saw that I was connecting in Jakarta, then continued to ask where I embarked. I told him Singapore, he looked suspicious for some reason! Finally it was boarding time, and the passengers had to make their way downstairs, I noticed that the young lady from the transit counter was also making her way to this gate. We had to take a bus to the aircraft, a Boeing 777. The flight was dull, and tedious, nobody spoke to me, but they were mainly Asian families. The food on Garuda on both flights was pretty reasonable, and I don’t normally like airline food! I suppose I should get used to it. One reason to want to work for Garuda.

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Review of Singapore - Part Two

nobody@vox.com(heartbomb) — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 08:57:54 +0100

So let's see. Where did I leave off?

Now that I'm done tearing apart Singapore, it's time to look at the positive aspects of the trip. If I can think of any.

The thing with the teeny tiny country of Singapore is that it's right on the equator, which means hot weather all year round. This is great because I love warm weather. Alas! It's humid too, whoever. Which makes it unbearable to step outside of an air-conditioned building. Like I mentioned in my last post, there was no touring the country for me. I did, however, roam around the city and saw virtually every major shopping mall. The size of the malls, and the shear number is insane! Save up some money if you ever visit Singapore, because you can bag some great bargains, especially at Bugis Street where all the markets are.

I was particularly lucky as a solo traveller as I have two friends in Singapore who met up with me. One Saturday night, I managed to experience the nightlife for one night, thanks to my friend Rid. I was a bit skeptical about going out alone, little did I know that I was not in fact, going to miss out on experiencing Singapore's nightclubs. We met at City Hall MRT (train station) amd walked to a restaurant. I had some delicious Thai food at a restaurant called Thai Express. Granted it doesn't sound very nice, but I have to tell you that the chilli beef with rice was amazing. We then head off to a pub playing live music, which was pretty cool too. There we met another one of Rid's cousins and carried on to the Ministry of Sound club. Now to be honest, I'm not a big fan of Trance music, but that night was truly fun. It was nice to finally get out of the hostel and hang out with 'real people'. After a good couple of hours at the club, we decided to head out, and sat in McDonalds for a while just talking. It really reminded me of the good times back home in London when I'd (rarely) go out with my friends and relax like that. I got home at about half three to four am.

Later that week, I met Nia. We talked at Starbucks for a while, sitting outside and discussing any topic that came to us (yes they have Starbucks in Singapore - and not in Perth!) until Rid arrived, then we head off to a mall where it was slightly cooler! We took some pictures, and talked some more. It was extremely relaxing, a big change from my masses of walking when I first got into Singapore. Then, Nia had to head off as she had dinner plans, and Rid and I went to the movies. This was an interesting experience because I rarely see girly movies with my guy friends, so seeing 'Mamma Mia!' was weird. It was really cold in the cinema, a little too air-conditioned for my liking, but the movie was very entertaining and had the songs stuck in my head for hours. After the movie, we went to get donuts from a place called J.Co's, and I tried Oreo donuts for the first time in my life. They were fantastic. Now my favourite type of donut! I'm telling you, you should try them. As the day grew to a close, I went back to the hostel to rest a bit. It was indeed a good day.

I know it may seem like I'm criticizing Singapore again, but I have to share my experience of Sim Lim Square, a huge electronics marketplace where bargaining skills are your best friend. I was told by Nia that she had bagged a really good deal with Nintendo DS Lite console and a memory card with 60 games for a ridiculous price. I thought, well, since I spend so much on my DS Lite games, I may as well check it out! I looked around and asked for the memory card, how much it would cost, etc. Many different shops told me different prices, one shop even going as low as 35 Singapore dollars. I went to the next shop who said that's not possible, and he offered it to me for 65 Singapore dollars with the software installed (which in itself costs about 40 bucks apparently). So, to avoid going for a dodgy, cheap one, I got the one for 65 dollars (considering some shops offered it for 160!) The shop assistant installed the software and showed me that it was working. I also enquired about how much the Nintendo DS Lite console was, since my mother is fond of it and her birthday is coming up. He said 160 with the headphones and console. I would ask her then come back. I then paid him and left with the memory card packet he gave me.

When I got home, I could not open the packet. It was sealed. I had to rip it open. I thought to myself 'If it's sealed, it means he didn't give me the one with the software on it!' So I went running back, having a go at him. He then proceeded to show me that he had cut it open around the memory card itself, very precisely with a cutting knife, and he popped it out. That was embarrassing. I then said to him that he gave me no USB adapter for the memory card to go into my computer. He handed me one and I left.

The next day, I spoke to my mother about the DS Lite and she said if it's that cheap, she wants it! So I went back to the shop and told him I wanted it. He quoted 160 Singapore dollars again, and I told him I was going to get money out of my account and come back. I then found an ATM in the mall and withdrew 200 Singapore dollars. I went back and was going to give him the money for it when he tried to sell me an additional item for a further 55 Singapore dollars. It was a travel adapter, because he NOW told me that the adapter it comes with is Japanese. I proceeded to tell him that I did not require it as my mother could get hold of one in the UK from my brother, who works at an electronic store, or she could borrow mine. He kept pushing me to buy it and I said no thanks very politely. He finally said that he will not sell me the console unless I buy the adapter and I had a go at him and asked why he had not told me before I went to get money. He shrugged and said "I'm telling you now". I put my money away and said "Your loss" and walked out, furious. The moral of the story is: If you are looking for good customer service, and not to be ripped off, don't buy from Sim Lim Square. For the record, the DS Lite alone was selling for 220 Singapore dollars.

On my last day, when I was going to the airport to depart for Denpasar, Bali, I met up with Rid again and we went together. We had breakfast (or more like brunch) at the airport and talked for a while. Then it was finally time for me to go. I was hoping Singapore airport would be decent, as I'd heard good things about it. It wasn't that amazing to be honest, I thought Dubai International Airport (DXB) was much cooler (yet I dislike Dubai as a city). I think the best part were the free internet terminals, and even that wasn't good enough as you get free wifi in DXB. I strolled around the airport until it neared my boarding time, then went to my gate. I was a bit anxious about flying with Garuda Indonesia (it is apparently blacklisted in Europe because of the high accident rate - don't quote me on that though), but it was fine, I'm still alive. Although I am flying Garuda back to Perth, so I'm still anxious!

I guess that summarises my trip to Singapore. Next up: Bali!

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Review of Singapore - Part One

nobody@vox.com(heartbomb) — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 18:48:21 +0100

Well I haven't blogged in a while, mainly because nobody reads it and also because I don't get the time. I did miss it though, so I thought what better way to make a comeback than to write a review of the city of Singapore, where I have stayed for the past week.

My trip was not really for tourist reasons, so I did not see the 'touristy' aspects of Singapore like I would have wanted to. Although, I did plan it on my itinerary, I did not stick to it one bit. What's mildly humorous us the fact that I got teased about it by my partner, for not being 'adventurous' enough, or rather 'spontaneous'.

So anyway, I shall stop rambling on and get on with the review.

I start with the hostel I had been staying at during my stay in Singapore. I wanted something cheap and simple, mainly because I came on a very tight budget. So I picked the Dragon Inn Hostel on Kelantan Road, right next to Little India. Now, I don't know what changed my mind from the jolly sounding 'Happy Apartment' (located near Orchard Road, right near the botanical gardens) - I mean the price was pretty much the same. My, what a mistake it was. The hostel is quite new, so it's unfair to completely thrash it. However, in all honesty, I've stayed at a lot of backpacker's accommodation and this has to be the worst.

First I'll start with the area. Little India is no Geylang (also known as the Red Light District of Singapore) - but it's full of pervy men that will stare shamelessly at girls that are walking alone. Solo female travellers beware of this as I did get followed one time on my way back to the hostel. There was an Indian man, perhaps in his mid to late thirties, holding a medium sized burgundy and black suitcase, in front of me. He saw me approaching and stopped in his tracks, waiting for me to go past. He smiled and said hello as I did. Don't get me wrong, I'm a friendly person, but this guy was not saying hello in a friendly way. I gave him an evil 'don't mess with me' look and carried on. He then started to walk behind me, and I stopped, turned around and gave him the evil look again. I carried on to cross the street where my hostel was, now getting concerned that this guy would know where I'm staying. So once I crossed the street, I turned around again and saw he was still on the other side staring, smiling, waving. Me being me, I gave him the middle finger and mouthed to him to 'F*** off' and I never saw him again. But what if I had seen him again? What if he had grouped up his mates and come looking for me, only to attack at my most vulnerable point?

This was not the only incident that really made me think twice about how safe this area was. The day before I checked out, the glass exterior and door of the hostel got completely smashed at about 8.30am by some madman. I was woken up by the sound of smashing glass, and heard screaming. I thought the hostel was being crappy and renovating at some crazy early hours of the morning. So, I went back to bed. Later I found out that they weren't renovating, and in fact someone had attacked.

Now to go onto the main part - the actual hostel. It is reasonably priced, still a bit more expensive than most hostels I've stayed in. I'd been staying in the twin room, so had to pay for two people anyway. I like to have my privacy so settled for this as I could not be bothered to find alternative accommodation. The actual hostel has two computers for free internet access for guests, a small seating area with two couches, a dining table, fridge freezer and other small kitchen appliances. The reception is in the same general area. As you go further in, you see the stairs leading up, and next to the stairs are 3 small bathrooms. Now the bathrooms are an interesting part of the hostel which I will come to. In front of the stairs are some lockers, which you have to pay to use, $1 a day, and next to the lockers is a back door. As you go up the stairs (taking your shoes off first), you come to the first floor, which is where I was staying.

There is also a second floor. The ground and first floor have communal bathrooms, with the first floor bathrooms containing a laundry. $5 for each load of washing, and a further $5 for half load of drying. I stupidly got a room next to the bathrooms, so not only could I always hear the tick of lights going on and off, I could smell the distinct smell of urine from when backpackers neglected to flush the loo. Moreover, these bathrooms were tiny cubicles with a toilet, and a shower beside the toilet. I dont mean a proper shower, I mean one next to the toilet. So basically you have to shower next to the toilet and you get the whole seat wet. Unlucky for the next person who is bursting for the loo. The day of the attack on the glass exterior was also the day the water pipe needed repairing so everybody had to use the downstairs shower, of which there was only one. I didn't particularly want to go downstairs and shower with everybody in the reception area as I'd have to come out with nothing but a towel wrapped around me, don't really feel comfortable doing that. So, grossly enough, I didn't shower that day. The showers/toilets were actually disgusting. There were long strands of bunches of hair in the shower, and it had that constant smell of urine that made me gag. I lost my appetite for the duration of the trip.

The most stunning part of my room was the view from the window. It was a dazzling view of...wait for it...*drum roll*....the bathroom. Yes, I opened the window only to see into the bathroom. Not only this, but my room was tiny, with a queen sized bed crammed into it. I wonder how they even got that in there!! There was barely any room to walk, especially since I had my luggage in there too (and I didn't travel with much!)

Next I go onto the noise value. Yes, granted, backpackers are usually youngsters who go out a lot and come back in the early hours after clubbing/pub-crawling. But it wasn't the backpackers that made the most noise, it was the staff. I could hear them from the reception area talking, at hours like 11:30pm to midnight. I tolerated this for most of my trip, but towards the end of it, it got ridiculous. The walls of the hostel are paper thin so you can hear conversations quite clearly from your room. It's actually pretty interesting.

More aspects of amenities that didn't work properly - the free wireless internet they offered. Yes, I had all the correct settings and occasionally it would work, but mostly it was slow and unreliable. Also, the phone was working fine one day at reception and I used to several times to make calls using international calling cards. One day all of a sudden the dialling tone changed so it would take too long to register the digits when dialled, so it would not accept the card numbers. The hostel did not take any responsibility for the faulty phone and told me to go to the 7/11 shop and find a payphone.

The staff were generally helpful, but did not seem to polite when I was polite towards them. For example, when I went to give them money for my second load of washing and approached the staff member, she looked at me and said in a very rude fashion "WHAT"...wow, wasn't expecting that one. I kept my cool though, for once, and was sulking to myself that I had to stay an extra night in this place, again, not my choice. I was reading a few of the reviews on hostelworld.com and the members that had criticized the hostel, well the staff had replied immaturely saying things like "WHY NOT U PAID hotel price and stay at hotel ?
stop coments others if u cannot accept back packer 's hostel style." and even "u booked 3 night in dorm and did not show up on 1st night , i cancelled yours booking to lets yours 2 bed open to hostel.com .
( i did not charge u for no show on the 1 st night as busy on others )
the 2nd day u show up and i explained to u u no show no call , the bed is open to sell and taken . i help u to take a private room at s$35 each x 2 person .if u are not happy the price as all the guest paid , u should not take the room . u should have walk away i/o stayed two night .? ( why u donot walk away ? )why u commect this way and the true is u did not show up and no call to confirm u want to take the 2nd / 3rd night dorm .
pls donot come to my hostel again .i am not taking u again ."

And that concludes part one of my review of Singapore. My next post will contain more positive aspects, I promise!

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Photography

nobody@vox.com(heartbomb) — Sat, 06 Oct 2007 12:40:29 +0100

Some of my old photography. These were photographed with a Samsung pro815 bridge camera, so not the best result, but I quite enjoyed the concept.

2. Titled 'Masculinity_Femininity
4. Ophelia remake.

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London Post-It Series

nobody@vox.com(heartbomb) — Sat, 06 Oct 2007 12:30:48 +0100

I never got round to finishing my Post-It series. It's ashame I left my SLR in my flat in the U.A.E otherwise I'd definately finish it. Never mind, I am going to be reunited with my camera on the 17th, and hopefully I will be departing Dubai International Airport on the 19th of October for Perth, Australia. Then I will be taking a whole load of new photographs. Muchly exciting.

This was basically started as a motivational factor for people who had to travel to work via tube in the morning. A lot of people gave me dirty looks for doing it, whilst others wow'ed me for it. I quite like the mixed bag of reactions I got. Hopefully it will be the same in Australia.

Air France broke my tripod when I was transporting it to the U.A.E though, so I have to buy a new one because they aren't compensating me for it. DON'T FLY AIRFRANCE. You will regret it. Trust me.

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Waiting

nobody@vox.com(heartbomb) — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 16:49:36 +0100

Waiting.
As I sit here in this cold and lonely room, I watch the pages of my notebook flicker to the rhythm of the gust of wind that enters through the window. The blank pages stare at me, expecting, waiting to be spoilt with the chilly ink of my pen. But I cannot write for I am out of words, no longer am I able to express the bitterness and hurt inside me using the plain letters of the alphabet. It was my blood and tears which wrote those letters to you. Now I am hollow and alone. My soul and body dried like a rose in red deserts of mars. The emptiness of these pages is nothing but a reflection of my mind which roams in the underworld, blinded by your love. The sound of the flickering pages are like drums beating hard in my ears, a burden that clouds my emotions. I wish I could bleed those words like before, I wish I could let out these feelings of hurt and pain that you caused me. I can hear nothing but the rain hitting the ground outside, in my solitude I reminisce about the way you made me feel only to want to hate myself even more. I feel like a lost soul with nothing to hold onto, no barriers, no protection from the hostility that surrounds me. Now I have to go. Go on forever in the darkness of this world where the sky is gray and the no one prays. Now I must leave on this last journey which leads me to my doom. My soul and mind are now as dark as shadows but my heart still feels you and I still feel that pain and suffering of the past. Now I must go into the shadows. I sit here in my lonely, cold room waiting for you to return, just waiting, waiting, waiting. I know that the remainder of my life will be spent just waiting yet still I expect your return. I know that our fairy tale is nothing but history, but your memories will haunt me for eternity.

(continuous prose written by Mandeep and I)

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Untitled

nobody@vox.com(heartbomb) — Tue, 28 Nov 2006 16:58:56 +0000

A loss of all things loved and all things lost loved. Love but within limits, love but do not devote. Love but hate, dispose of all emotions.

You are born into this world alone, you remain alone and you die alone: not the words of a pessimist, but those of a genius. When you love, you expect. When you expect, everything crumbles away until there's nothing left but your heart and it hurts when that crumbles.

Wishing is no use, wishing means hoping, hoping leads to disappointment. You hope for the best, you get the worst. You wish for a miracle, you get death - be it death of love, life or soul. Be wise and true, be alone and conquer the world single handed.

A hysterical paradox of society, a mockery.

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She was...

nobody@vox.com(heartbomb) — Sun, 02 Jul 2006 16:53:10 +0100

She was.
Cornered by confusion, hate, anger. She is a soul incomplete and smacked by frustration. She is a soul lost, tainted, bewildered. Anxiety and betrayal thrust upon her, treating her like an unwanted piece of flesh, thrown out into a rubbish bin for the hounds to chew on. She is not a life, but a gloomy death which surrounds the very meaning of passion. She was once quaint and now she is nothing but unwanted, terrorised by love, sacrifice, compromise and forced to choose between two rights. She is lost. A soul lost.

Her aura floated past me and it seemed as if I'd known her forever. It seemed as if her soul had been attached to mine for an eternity, yet parted in a split second. She was love, laughter, happiness but she didn't know it. She was mine, my property; mine to play with, break and abuse, mine to admire. But she left, her aura was no longer swaying to the rhythm of my heartbeat, but to the passing train that went by but disappeared in the distance leaving only traces of smoke, a basket of pollution. She was trust, but broke herself, the trust that was a vital link in the chain of communication between us. Her voice rings in my ears, a singing voice so mellow which demands nothing but tears from my tear-filled eyes. I anticipate nothing but loneliness after her departure, but consequently a life filled with an adequate amount of joy to live the remainder of life to its fullest.

She was the water that bathed me with pride, that substantiated her ego. She was the root of our unity, but additionally the destruction of those very roots. She was the death of us, yet she haunts my mind, my heart and my soul.

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